What to do when you feel so Overwhelmed that you can’t do anything
Article co-authored by Life and Business Coaches-
Anita Toi, Dasha Okonji, Lara Franks and Karen Ross
The discord between where we are putting our energy and where we actually need to be putting our energy to feel fulfilled is often the cause of feeling overwhelmed.
~Life and Business Coach Dasha Okonji
Last week I hit the wall!
It had been 4 weeks into Level 4 lockdown.
I woke up one morning and I realised I couldn’t get out of bed…..In fact, I could do nothing.
I actually, physically felt like I was balancing this tower of pots on my head like the women in rural India carrying water from the nearby well. (My imaginations….) There was just too much to do…… a business to run, feed, entertain and homeschool kids, do endless tidyups, work on a part time job……and while I was making mental reminders and notes of the to dos, should dos…..it paralysed me…..completely.
I could have stayed in bed all day feeling sad for myself, but kids needed breakfast- so I shook myself out of this mode….carried on and when I hit the pillow that night…..I couldn’t sleep….at all….I was too tired to fall asleep.
And what was even worse, feeling guilty about feeling this way.
I continued my self-talk-
“What was wrong with me? I just needed to be more grateful for all that I have- a super helpful hubby, a safe place to call home…..while there were people fleeing the tyranny in Afghanistan; I just need to be more grateful.”
So I pick up my journal and start writing down things I’m thankful for….I do feel better, but also silly for being such a drama queen. “Where was my resilience, my grit?”
After 3 days of meditation and journaling about how I was feeling, while getting very little sleep, snapping at my kids and telling my husband to give me space…..I realised I was simply feeling overwhelmed.
Too much to do….so I will not do anything.
This was not helpful and something had to be done to help me stop feeling overwhelmed. No amount of thinking about how fortunate I was, seemed to be helping. I had to seek help.
I asked my coaches on GetCoached to share with me their best tips on dealing with overwhelm and they were so kind to give me their best advice.
All I can do now is share this advice with other women who might be feeling like they are carrying their own tower of pots on their heads and feeling overwhelmed and anxious.
Why do you feel overwhelmed?
Perhaps, we try to juggle too many balls?
Life Coach Lara Franks notices that most of her clients, who are Millennials and Gen Z generations have become hardwired to have a hustle mindset. They believe that if they want to be more, they have to do more. It’s become “normal” and “popular” to stay up all hours just so they can produce as much as possible to meet their sometimes unrealistic goals and deadlines.
The truth however is that this is not sustainable. And this can cause them to feel overwhelmed, or in some cases burnt out completely.
By taking on too much in the first place, they now feel like a weight is on their shoulders, making it seem impossible to start, or finish, even the smallest of tasks. This feeling of overwhelm hinders their drive and their motivation, and causes them to procrastinate.
Tips on coping with feeling overwhelmed:-
1. Brain dump and stick to your values
By Life Coach, Anita Toi
Do a brain dump and write down every little thing that is on your mind. Let all the things pour out of your brain onto a piece of paper no matter how small and insignificant they are because they are still taking up precious real estate.
Once you’ve got everything out of your head on the page, take another fresh piece of paper and write down your top 3 or 4 values.
If you haven’t defined your values, this is a really important thing to do as it helps inform your decision making and keeps you heading towards your north star rather than constantly being side tracked by shiny object syndrome.
If you haven’t done work on your values then just write the top 3-4 aspects of life that are MOST important to you. It could be anything, there is no right or wrong as it’s individual. Put the paper side by side and begin to cross off anything on the first list that doesn’t align with what’s most important.
Make a decision to either drop it or delegate. By continually coming back to your values or what really matters to you, you can let go of so many unnecessary distractions and instantly reduce overwhelm.
2. Take your Brain Dump Further.
By Life and Business Coach Dasha Okonji
A Brain Dump is meant to clear your head, give you the space to rest (even if just for a short time) and arrange your thoughts to calm your feelings. One of the ways to make the Brain Dump easier is to do it when you are full of energy, or with your favourite hot drink, in your most comfortable place or your work space, and after taking some deep breaths.
Then take it further-
Bucket your Dump
Once the Brain Dump is done, arrange what you’ve written into buckets. There are several ways to label your buckets:
– By area of life (family, work, health, finance, relationships, etc)
– By person (either the person concerned with the item or one responsible for completing it)
– By due date (often I find monthly or weekly map works well for my clients)
– By necessity, i.e. “need” or “don’t need” (surprisingly, you are likely to discover that a few items from your Brain Dump will appear superfluous allowing you to simply drop them off as unnecessary).
Prioritise your Dump
Priorities are a very helpful guide (and should be the only guide!) to decide what you take on, schedule in and when the tasks are done.
This step is really about identifying what’s most important in each bucket. This will help you pick the area/tasks to direct your energy.
Life is dynamic, as such our day-to-day priorities in the areas of our life are also likely to change depending on the scenario in front of us. Therefore, it’s really important to actively review these to prevent feeling overwhelmed, especially when you feel you are not acting in line with your priorities.
Reflect and Review
It’s really important to review and reflect on the day, before planning the next one. Here are some points to think about.
– What made you feel accomplished?
– What brought you joy? What can you celebrate?
– What caused you to be rushed, stressed or even perhaps overwhelmed?
– Which bucket needs more attention?
– What do you need to adjust in your next day/ week/ month to stay on top of things with joy?
We so often get caught up and carry on as a little hamster in the wheel. To get off the wheel, we need to actively reflect on how things are going, identify our overwhelm triggers and prepare ourselves by planning our time.
So wherever you are on the overwhelm spectrum today, I urge you to start putting your energy into what truly matters to you. This is where the magic happens and overwhelm leaves you for good!
3. Start Stopping
By Life Coach Lara Franks
Pause or take a break – Taking a break allows your mind to reset. Without breaks our energy wains, and we become less productive as the day goes on. It’s important however that when you pause or take a break you are allowing your mind to slow down. Taking a break from work does not meanScrolling through social media or reading the news, which will still keep your mind active.
Instead, try getting some fresh air and going for a walk, doing some meditation, or even some light stretches. These types of activities, even if done for 5-10 minutes recharge your mental and emotional energy. Remind yourself when to take a break by setting a timer on your phone.
Speaking of timers, the Pomodoro Technique might interest you, this is all about focused work sessions with frequent short breaks to promote sustained concentration and stave off mental fatigue.
Say “no” – Setting better boundaries for ourselves allows us to say “no”, especially when it comes to avoiding overwhelm and not overcommitting. Time is our most precious resource and we only have 24hrs in each day, so you want to spend it wisely. Resist saying “yes” if you know you will regret it or feel resentful later. Learn to say “no” nicely to other people’s requests and offer alternatives or solutions where possible.
4. Follow the 60 Second Rule
By Business Coach Karen Ross
The 60 Second rule states: Only 60 seconds of activity can be completed in 60 seconds – and obviously 60 mins of activity can be done in 60 mins. Not more.
At a practical level that means allowing time for the whole of a task- It means allowing time for preparation before a meeting, travel time to the meeting, follow up work after the meeting, etc so you know you have actual space for what is planned.
It means factoring into your week those two hours you tend to need for admin stuff or meetings.
It means taking a few moments when you’re planning your day or your week to predict as well as you can how much time something will take.
If you have a fairly loose diary and not a lot of planning, you may be susceptible to breaking the 60 Second Rule. The moment we break the rule we put pressure on ourselves – and even if you are consciously convinced it’s all in hand, your unconscious mind usually knows it’s not workable, thus creating an undercurrent of feeling stressed and overwhelmed.
What can you do to ensure you’re not creating the feeling of overwhelm for yourself?
Regularly check, what are you trying to fit into the time you have? Reality check for yourself what is actually DO-ABLE.
Consider in which areas of your life do you mostly try to fit more time than can fit? At work? On the weekends?
How can you remind yourself of the 60 Second Rule? Try a post-it note in a few places for a week with something on it like “Am I sticking to the 60 Second Rule?” or “Remember the 60 Second Rule, honey.” I’m always nice to myself when I write myself post-its.
Final Thoughts
Thanks to the coaches, I feel like I’m armed with all the tools to work towards my journey of coping with overwhelm. The key would be to start small- pick on one coping mechanism to deal with overwhelm, that’s easy to do based on my day and routine and build on it as I go.
If you have been feeling overwhelmed like me, and wish to discover what your individual journey towards an “unoverwhelmed” would look like, get in touch with one of these fabulous coaches now.
Anita Toi, Dasha Okonji, Lara Franks and Karen Ross